Hyperafflictionitis

Hyperafflictionitis is a common disease that is contracted by most people. It that breaks you down emotionally, physically and spiritually. Nasty stuff right?

Symptoms:

1. Stress

2. Worry

3.Anxiety

4. Fatigue

5. Sadness

6. Hopelessness

7. Loneliness

8. Anger

9. Apathy

(Having one, several or all of these symptoms does not necessarily mean you have Hyperafflictionitis. They are generic and can be found as symptoms for everything from the common cold to trench foot. So nothing to worry about.)

Hyperafflictionitis is the condition of being overtaken and overwhelmed by the afflictions in your life. This happens most commonly when there are several uncomfortable situations in your life at once. It feels like EVERYTHING is wrong. And you just become consumed with the negativity of it all. If this may sound like something you've experienced, read the following text, and keep checking back for the vaccine!

1 Samuel 30

1"And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire;

2And had taken the women captives, that were therein: they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way. 3So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives. f4Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep. 5And David's two wives were taken captives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite. 6And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters....."

Now, no reading ahead! Soon I will show you the cure for Hyperafflictionitis, so that all of you can live in the peace of not being a slave to your afflictions!

If you came here thinking Hyperafflictionitis was a legit medical sickness that you could use to get out of an obligation, I brought on a guest star to teach you an easy way to fake sick: